Feeling like an Impostor: A Reflection on My Job as a Research Assistant
I am always asked whenever I go to a social event in Glasgow. “Are you a student?” If I were asked by a person standing behind the desk, I might say “Yes” to get that sweet student discount. However, most of the time, I will answer “No” before somewhat reluctantly explaining that I am assisting research at the University of Glasgow.
Working as a research assistant for a top educational institution like the University of Glasgow is nothing to be ashamed of. But my impostor syndrome always gets triggered, thinking that the people asking the question are finally seeing through my disguise. I feel foreign, sometimes thinking I should not be in my current position. I can imagine the button pushers inside my brain panicking whenever somebody asked the question.
My irrational fear of being caught as an impostor is not without reasoning, though. I never thought of becoming a research assistant when I boarded that plane from the Soekarno-Hatta International Airport to Glasgow. The job is foreign to me when I started the job mid-2022.
The foreign feeling is compounded by the hybrid working arrangement, which adds to my feeling of not belonging to the job. My only contact with people at the university was only through the occasional Zoom meetings and rare chatters with the building janitors. Moreover, it seems that I was the only full-time research staff who did not have a PhD to my name at the school. I confirmed this as I perused through the nameplates of every room in my office building, which added to my impostor syndrome.
Context
I graduated with my master’s degree in financial economics from the University of Glasgow in December 2021. After gaining the knowledge required to work in the financial industry, I tried my luck in the UK job market for many months after graduating. I aim to become an economist, data or investment analyst, or management consultant. However, being a small carp in the ocean, I started my job search without professional experience besides volunteering at a non-profit and part-timing in a café.
After months of applying to hundreds of job openings while not getting any offers for interviews until the late spring of 2022, I started comparing myself against some of my classmates who had already gotten an offer from reputable firms. Staring blankly at my CV and cover letter after a long week of cleaning toilets and writing tailored applications to every fitting job posting I could find, a thought came to my mind.
“My friends can get the full-time permanent job offer, but why can’t I?”
Doubt seeps in. I then consulted with my mentors, who taught me that I needed practical working experience to gain a competitive advantage in the UK job market.
One of these mentors was Professor Wright, my dissertation supervisor, who recommended that I apply for a research assistant job at the university. This suggestion was offered to me after I expressed that I am equally interested in pursuing a PhD besides applying for employment in the private sector. He told me that the job would be perfect for me to get a taste of working as an academic before committing to pursuing a PhD that requires considerable time investment. The advice seemed natural in hindsight, but it was a massive revelation in early 2022.
The opportunity then came up to assist research in the School of Political Science at the University of Glasgow following the recommendation from Professor Wright. I applied for the position and was invited for an interview within a week. After the successful interview, I got the job offer a few hours later. I remember clearly how ecstatic I was at the time.
Reflection
Going back to the present day, I find myself in a similar situation as in early 2022. I have been applying for a more permanent job in the private sector after gaining experience as a research assistant for nearly 2 years. I am also applying to complement my research experience in political science with pre-doctoral economics fellowships that will prepare me for a PhD in the field. The only difference is that I am in a better position than in early 2022 because I managed to land more interviews thanks to my enhanced profile. However, the enhanced profile alone was not enough. External factors such as the shrinking labour market and immigration status made entering the workforce as a full-time permanent employee in the UK harder.
Without worrying too much about the future, I would like to take a moment to reflect on what I have achieved during my cherished time in the UK. First, I improved as a professional. Specifically in terms of organising my priorities when working with multiple projects at once. I am also more comfortable using statistical techniques in STATA, applying my web scraping skills with Python, and learning the R programming language. In addition to technical skills, I now understand the workflow of a collaborative research project after being actively involved in meetings with other researchers.
Besides improving as a professional, working as a research assistant to Dr Reinsberg solidified my interest in academic research. My reason is that academic research appreciates work flexibility in favour of output quality, which fits my working style. The job is also meaningful because I contribute to an applied science that benefits many people. In addition, I felt welcomed by people in the field as I joined the many social events at the university. The fantastic colleagues in my research group and at the Advanced Research Centre nurtured my sense of belonging to the job, which ultimately cured the impostor syndrome.
Perhaps the collegiate nature of UK academia made the job more open to everyone. However, I am pretty sure that I see academia from rose-tinted glasses. After all, I have only worked in the field for about 2 years. My present view may not hold in 5 years, a decade or two, but only time can tell. Maybe I can try working as a researcher in the private sector to expand my horizons. Nonetheless, I am now confident that working in research is what I want to do.
